


Everything

by ThomE_Gemcity_06



Category: T2 Trainspotting, Trainspotting (Movies), Trainspotting Series - Irvine Welsh
Genre: Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death(s), Drama, Drug Use, Grief/Mourning, Infant Death, M/M, Mark Renton POV, Mates, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Non-con Drug Use, Omegaverse - A/B/O Dynamics, Slash, T2 Trainspotting Spoilers, Trainspotting Spoilers, bondmates, friends/lovers, pinning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2019-01-01 01:11:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12145338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThomE_Gemcity_06/pseuds/ThomE_Gemcity_06
Summary: | Ah felt the betrayal settle somewhir in the back ay ma heart as Sick Boy stared back at us wi a mask ay aloofness, making nae move tae help his Mate. N Ah kent then whit Ah hud tae dae. |





	Everything

**Author's Note:**

> **This is based in both Trainspotting and T2 movies, and you know there's always whispers of the books. We're back into Omegaverse Trainspotting** _(the rules differ from those in **"Expectations,"** but the characters' Dynamics are the same)_ , **are these seeds planted yet people, come on(!) I can't be the only one. Another friendly warning for this, definitely a box of chocolates... filled with all the ones that you want to spit out. And this definitely will not be as pretty as a box of chocolates either. Pretty on the outside, treacherous on the inside.**

**- T R A I N S P O T T I N G -**

Ah shoot up at Mother Superior's, n clean up the loose gear around us before Ah lay back oan the floor whir Ah sit. Heroin doesn't treat us like it does Betas n Alphas, Ah dinnae get the high that they do. That's no why Ah take it. Ah take it like shots ay fucking insulin, like medicine, instead ay fir a recreational high the others do.

It's stops ma Heat, which as a male Omega, Ah am prone tae in a cluster ay three lasting fir aboot two tae three days, in a stretch ay three months a year.

Ah kin hear the others in the gallery, their laughter, chatter, n groans ay a braw fix as Ah lay by ma lonesome oan the bare n dusty floorboards beneath us. Ah take ma medicine n they take their high, it's no much fun being in the company ay the drunk while yir sober.

Ah'm better able tae cope by maself than wi people, Ah find. That's never been a problem fir us. The sun n attention doesn't make us thrive, Ah shrink fae the attention. Ah've oanly been able tae tolerate, even crave the attention ay yin but thair are better prospects oot thair fir him, whit the fuck does he truly need us fir?

Ah feel her before Ah see her or hear her. Ah turn ma heid on the floorboards n thair she is in the entrance. Oan all fours, wriggling like a barry puppy, her neck a noodle as she takes everything in. Wee Dawn. Every time Ah see her, ma guts twist wi the good n the bad. A deep-seeded craving n ache low inside us, both the swelling n soaring ay ma heart, a lump in ma throat. A want that Ah ken Ah kin never claim.

Ah like tae think that she senses in us whit Ah sense in her—Simon. She's a part ay his blood, his everything. N Ah huv Si's Claim, his Mark; his pheromones forever ensconced in mine. The scar ay his teeth at the nape ay ma neck, his imprint oan ma soul.

Guan steady, is the inside joke tae maself. Ah'm probably no so secretly in love wi Simon David Williamson. N maybe some part ay him loves us back, Ah wis the oanly yin he wis bonded tae, after all. But Ah ken his heart belongs tae wee Dawn. N anything ay his, Ah take tae ma heart.

Ah stretch ma airm oot, palm up n wiggle ma fingers like she's a kitten or something, but her wandering eyes are drawn tae the movement n she scuttles fir us in a way that babies do. Whin she reaches me, ma fingers grasp the front ay her jumpers n Ah lift her oantae ma chest. Ah kin instantly feel the heat ay her little body seep through ma shirt n intae ma cauld chest. Ah use ma hands oan her chubby ribs tae stabilize her as she wriggles, burbling away happily at me like she's gabbing in her ain language while Ah make over-exaggerated expressions back wi nonsensical sounds ay ma ain.

Whin Ah look at her all Ah kin see is Simon, no Alison. Just Simon, Simon, Simon. Simon, pure light glowing in the innocent tiny heart pumping frantically in her chest like a wee bird. The stretch ay her open-mouthed smile, the spark in her eyes—it's all him.

Her tiny legs n airms gie oot n she lays oan her podgy tummy oan ma narrow chest, her airms all spastic n uncoordinated in the way babies huv as she tries tae grab at ma coupon, trying tae grab at the sound as Ah start tae hum. N then the words possess ma lips in a silent whisper n she warbles wi us like she kens it too:

...Just a perfect day... you make me forget myself... I thought I was someone else... someone good... Oh, it's such a perfect day... I'm glad I spent it with you... Oh, it's such a perfect day... You just keep me hanging on... You just keep me hanging on... You're going to reap just what you sow...

"Ye keep looking at her like that n someone might think ye huv human emotion, Mark." Simon sais, flopping doon oantae the floor, curled oan his side against us, his heid pressed tae mine as he looks at wee Dawn oan ma chest. "That, or ye wanting yin ay yir ain."

"Dinnae be daft, whit the fuck would Ah dae wi a bairn?" Ah whisper wi a scoff through the jagged lump in ma throat. Ah cannae look at him fir fear he might see the sick truth in ma eyes.

"Oh, Ah don't ken..." he murmurs, his breath soft against ma jaw. He reaches oot a hand n puts it oan her leg, caressing it wi his thumb, his airm lain oan ma stomach. "It's different whin it's yirs, ken?"

Ah manage tae swallow the lump in ma throat n open ma mouth tae say, well... something, but before Ah kin a shadow falls over us n Ah flick ma gaze over tae see Alison. The two ay us huv a typical rivalrous, passive aggressive relationship as most Omegas do whin thair's an Alpha between them. We each hud something the other wanted.

"Time fir kip," she sais fir oor benefit n bends over us fir the bairn.

Fir an instant ma fingers lock, Ah dinnae want tae let her go, Ah dinnae want tae gie her up. But she's no mine first in order tae gie up fae the get-go. She kin never be mine. Alison kin see it oan ma face, it cuts her broon eyes wi both self-righteousness n pity. Ah follow her back as the Omega leaves, wee Dawn looking back at us fae over her mother's shoulder—ma breath catches painfully in ma chest. Simon is up n after them withoot another word tae us.

Ah curl up oan ma side wi ma back tae the door, tae the life ay ma mates. Alone. Airms wrapped aroond ma skinny torso like some pitiful self-hug shite that makes me despise maself even more. Nae yin bothers us. Ah dinnae ken how long Ah lay thair, staring at the spider in it's web at the corner ay the baseboards, the oanly sound ma raging mind, whin ma lids finally grow heavy n Ah kip oaf.

A high wrenching wail pierces the pervious silence ay the smack house, a banshee sort ay howl that makes the sparse hair oan ma entire body stand up n chills us tae the bone. Ah'm oan ma feet before even fully aware n lurching intae the main shooting gallery. A tightness squeezes ma chest that is no ay ma ain despair—Simon. Ah kin feel it almost like a burn at the nape ay ma neck.

Alison is crumpled oan the floor, perr Spud ineffectually trying tae console her as she continues tae yowl. Ah physically edge aroond the bulk n potency ay her pheromones that threaten tae put us oan the fucking floor. Swanney n Tommy are just standing in the doorway ay wee Dawn's nursery n Ah shove passed them like a man possessed, stumble tae a stop at the baby's crib, Simon standing rigid at the foot.

The room in saturated in a stress smorgasbord ay Simon's screaming pheromones, Alison's, the damp ay Tommy n Spud's weak pheromones, wi a twinge ay Swanney's stale (sterile) Omega scent—but under it all, like a layer ay graveyard soil, the pongy smell ay death.

Through the wooden bars ay the crib lay wee Dawn, but it wisnae her, no anymore. It wis just some swollen grey sack ay flesh. She's gone, forever fae this cruel place, too dark n twisted to tolerate her innocence.

Swallowing sick, Ah turn ma gaze away.

"Say something, Mark." Simon pleads, unable tae tear his eyes away fae her as Ah am him, his world coming apart. "JUST FUCKING SAY SOMETHING!!" he demands like ma words could set the fucking world right again, but Ah cannae... Ah dinnae... whit the fuck kin Ah say tae fix the unfixable?

So Ah step tae him. He tries tae flinch away fae us, but he's rooted tae the spot. Ah press ma foreheid tae his temple, nose mashed intae his cheek, ma hand cupping his other cheek, ma airm around his waist, just fucking holding him as his grips the rails ay the crib wi bloodless knuckles, wrenching sobs tearing through his body. Ah try tae hold his body thegither oan the physical plain, but Ah cannae seem tae stop the withering ay his soul.

Ma silent tears mix wi his forceful yins; like she wis mine. But she wis a part ay Simon, so in a way, mibby she wis mine too.

Things weren't the same fae then oan; how the fuck could they be?

It wisnae a hardness like, that took him. It wis emptiness. He wisnae the same because thair wis an emptiness that now resided whir wee Dawn used tae be, whir she filled him wi a wholeness, a pureness. N so tae forget, he became Sick Boy full term, distanced himself fae emotional attachment. He became a pimp n a pusher.

We all dealt wi it in oor ain way, Ah guess.

Alison just disappeared. Swanney went back tae work, business as usual, wee Dawn's room cleared oot. Spud n Tommy kept oan fixing.

N Ah... well, Ah ran away tae fucking London. Ah kicked everything oot ay ma life that minded us. Trashed the kit Ah wis wearing whin Ah last held her, smashed all ma Lou Reed records no just _Perfect Day,_ n skag, couldnae even go near the stuff withoot feeling fucking ill _._

Subconsciously, Ah guess Ah kicked Simon oot ay it too. His eyes were her eyes n now they were just empty.

\- **T1** -

Ah step fae the shower n dry maself oaf with ma threadbare towel. Ah feel barry at the moment, the hot water huving done its work in soothing ma cramps n washing away the raw sweat. Ah'm at the start ay ma trifecta ay yearly Heats. It wis ma first since Ah stopped taking skag whin Ah came tae London.

Ah'd created ma ain little bubble ay the world whir nowt ay past getting here even existed. A common coping mechanism fir getting awey, definitely more healthy than thinking aboot it. Hud been here fir months before fucking Begbie came banging oan ma door, let him stay a week before Ah hud tae fucking get him oot. Stole him intae this shitty flat ma office wis trying n failing tae rent away. It wis just in time, too, eh, before ma Heat started oan.

It's no as bad as Ah last mind it, though tae be honest that wis yonks ago. After Simon Claimed us, that wis whin we all turned tae heroin. Ah think it scared the shite oot ay him, the Bite, it wis never meant tae happen. Si always said he wisnae meant fir monogamy n tae the day he's kept his word. He also said that he wis never going tae spring a wee brat intae this shite filled puff, kept his word oan that too—wee Dawn wis the purest thing Ah think either ay us hud ever seen before, unblemished by life like the rest ay us miserable cunts.

Ah physically shake the thoughts fae ma heid n hang the towel back up. That's no a part ay ma puff, _this_ puff anymore. Ah walk through ma bed-sit n flop unceremoniously ontae ma unmade bed. Thair wis nae room fir a past that cannae change in this tiny 'studio apartment' (that's a realtor embellishment fir ye), n a future that willnae happen.

Ah lay thair in silence as the work ay the shower is undone within half-an-hour; beads ay sweat blossoming oan ma skin, cramps twisting ma insides fir that Alpha-pheromone fix, chubbing up withoot even touching maself (Ah'd already jerked it in the bog), ma arsehole slicking up. Ah'm no even consciously aware that Ah'm fucking humping ma mattress, hands fisted in the sheets, making these pathetic, desperate noises—wanting a knot up ma arse so bad, wanting S--

Someone rings ma buzzer. Ah fucking freeze, hips raised, quiet as a church mouse. Ah ken Ah'm desperate, but the last knot oan earth Ah'd ever want is Begbie's. Fuck that, thair wis a reason Ah sent the cunt away. But even as Ah'm thinking this, Ah instinctively ken it's no him.

Ah'm oan ma feet, in the buff, at the foot ay ma bed withoot even realizing Ah've moved. Ma body's stiff wi anticipation n am rewarded a moment later tae ma silence.

Ma skin tingles as Ah get a whiff ay his pheromones as Simon opens the letter box. Ah freeze a split second before he speaks: "Open us, Rents. Ah kin smell ye, pungent like a fucking doe in Heat." Ma eyes slip closed as the timbre ay his voice races through us. "Happy tae see us, or whit, Rent Boy?" he teases, getting a full view ay ma erection through the slot. "Ye guannae gie us a show or open the door?"

"Yir too cheap tae pay fir it." Ah grin, feeling excitement flip in ma belly as Ah unlock the door withoot bother n see him standing oan the other side looking suave as ever, holdall over his shoulder.

"Why would Ah pay fir something whin it's free?" His gaze is hot n dark as he cruises us, stepping forward intae ma bed-sit as Ah step back like it's some sort ay dance. He drops his bag oan the floor n kicks the door shut. "Looks like Ah came just in time, eh?"

"Aye." Is all a kin manage before his hand is at the nape ay ma neck, right over his Claim, crushing oor mouths thegither. His hand oan his Mark is like a time-is-now signal tae the rest ay ma body n Ah fucking gush slick oot ma backside n doon ma thighs as his tongue dominates ma mouth.

By the time he pushes us back oan the bed, panting n flushed, he's rock hard as he quickly strips. We dinnae talk, we just do. His pheromones are piquant, they go straight tae ma heid n ma hole, like too much oxygen, no enough. Makes us delirious wi want that Ah'm fucking writhing oan the bed, clawing at maself—but then his hand is under ma chin, stilling us; his other under ma knee, shifting us up n open, n then he thrusting intae me, baw deep.

Twin guttural groans fill the small bed-sit. This is the true drug, the true high—Simon. He hardly even pauses before he thrusting intae us, long, deep strokes that lift ma hips fae the bed. Petting us inside the place that oanly he's ever been before.

Ah need tae hold something so Ah grab him as he fucks us against the wall that represents ma heidboard, ma leg over his shoulder.

"God, Ah fucking missed ye!" Ah cry oot, airm curled under his n gripping his shoulder.

He says nowt n just fucks us harder, biceps straining, sweat dripping fae the tip ay his nose oanto ma face before his knot puffs up inside us n he coming. Ma world view goes up in fucking fireworks n it's beautiful—Simon is beautiful as his coupon contorts in ecstasy n his turns his face, sinking his teeth intae the meat ay ma calf over his shoulder. Ah shudder as sharp Alpha canines break the skin, his saliva stings n eyes flash.

The back ay ma neck buzzes wi warmth n it's like thair is a synapses between the two Bites now that fizzles n pops in ma blood as if in greeting ay yin another fir their singular purpose tae further Simon's Claim.

He collapses wearily ontae us. "Better than any hit, Rents." He purrs, breath huffing against ma clavicle. "Better than any fucking hit." He wisnae wrong...

Two days ay ma Heat followed, n by the end ay it Ah wis nearly in a orgasm induced coma. Couldnae mind the last time Ah'd been knobbed; scag no oanly stopped ma Heats, but it hud also cut oaf ma sex drive n desire. Oaf it, this wis just the thorough cleaning oot that Ah needed. Ah accumulated _another_ Bite oan ma arsecheek, which Simon thought amusing as Ah couldnae sit properly fir nearly two weeks.

N stay Simon did. Thair wis nae discussion oan the subject, once Ah wis coherent enough tae hold a conversation wi him, it just wis. We dinnae talk ay the past. He hud some scheme brewing, but like he telt us: it wisnae ma business until he decided that it wis. Ay course he didnae come here specifically tae see me, Ah wis just a free place tae crash while he went aboot his business, but Ah didnae mind like Ah hud wi Begbie.

It is a pure domestic situation n fuck me if Ah didnae love every lacklustre moment ay it. Ah wis in Omega bliss. Ah huv ma Mate wi us, get fucked oan the regular fir the first time in twenty-five years ay ma puff. Ah wis content n light, fir the first in Ah dinnae ken how long, probably ever. It wis frightening in a good way.

Ah would go tae work n he would do whatever he did whin Ah wisnas thair. Ah'd get home n cook something fir us oan the hotplate, we'd sit oan the edge ay the bed n watch the box while we ate. Being a vegetarian, Ah'd been forced tae fend fir maself most ay the time since Ah wis sixteen—Simon hud always been a shite cook. We'd fuck. Dinnae ken if he hud lassies oan the side; if he did, Ah could never scent them oan him n he never brought any back tae the bed-sit. If he did, Ah dinna think Ah would huv been able tae handle it, ken?

Ma second Heat comes n we hole-up fir another three days n Ah come oot ay that yin wi more Bites tae scar n Mark ma flesh; yin oan ma right hip n the other ma left upper airm. It seemed tae make him horny, the site ay his Mark oan us, his power, his possession; so Ah walk around the bed-sit in keks or no even bother wi any pretence, just tae sketch his smouldering eyes or so he'd sex us.

Ah'd get home, grab a beer n blether tae him aboot ma fucking day. "--kin ye believe that his cunt hud the fucking nerve tae say that shite tae us n no get--"

"Oi, Rents." Si says, cutting us oaf.

"Aye?" Ah turn tae him.

He stands n approaches, a hand oan ma shoulder. He pushes until Ah drop tae ma knees in confusion, looking up at him.

"Whi--?" Ah start, but then he starts tae undo his belt buckle n Ah gie ma heid a shake wi a light chuckle, but Ah smirk too.

"Put that mouth tae a more braw use, eh?" His pupils are wide as Ah open ma mouth n he thrusts in wi glee, fingers fisted intae ma growing ginger tufty. Definitely a better use fir ma mouth instead ay gabbing at him like we're fucking girlfriends.

...

Ah crawl over him oan the bed yin night tae get tae the other side whin he grunts n sais: "Christ, Rents, packing it oan pretty thick ye fat cunt?" n pushes us oaf the side ay the bed.

"Ow, ye bastard!" Ah curse him as Ah pull maself up, rubbing ma twinging elbow. "Ah'm no fat." Ah lift ma tee shirt n look doon at maself n aA'm surprised tae see that he's right. Ah'm no _fat_ , but thair is a new soft layer tae us that Ah never hud tae ma usual, lean stalk frame. Ah drop the shirt n look back at him wi a self-conscious scowl as he watches us back, smoking in bed. "It's just the extra crisps," Ah mumble weakly.

"Aw," he smirks. "Dinnae ye mean, it's aw that spunk Ah've been unloading intae yir arse?"

"Fuck ye!" Ah tell him, realize the wording willnae get ma point across n backtrack tae his amusement, "Sketch if Ah let ye 'unload' in us again."

"Awright," he replies, turning his heid back tae the box, his tone disdainful, "Whin yir next Heat comes n yir hole is gushing n aching fir ma knot, we'll see whae's crawling tae the other, begging fir it."

"Aye, we will!" Ah shout back indignantly, slamming the bog door petulantly because Ah ken Ah'll lose that battle.

N is while Ah'm pishing, sketching Simon's gear cluttering the limited shelve space by the sink n in the shower, that Ah realize whit the fuck is actually going oan here. We were fucking nesting! Tucking maself in, Ah sit heavily oan the closed bog seat. "Holy fuck," Ah utter.

Ah feel a fluttering in ma stomach at the thought that goes up intae ma chest. It's a happy flutter, it's-- "Dinnae, dinnae, dinnae," Ah mumble tae maself, pressing the heel ay ma palm intae ma soft stomach.

Si always lived fir this minute-moments ay happiness n excitement, chasing them withoot abandon (drugs, sex, thieving), then he moved the fuck oan fir the next yin. Nae emotional attachments—nae threat ay losing it fir his ain mistakes. He never chased the long deal, the deal ay his life time, his actual happy ending. But mibby that's whit he wis finally allowing himself. This, wi me.

Or that's just ma hormone dripping brain talking. Simon probably doesnae even realize it's happening, just like us.

Ah git up, splash water oan ma coupon, try no tae think aboot it, n go back oot. Si doesn't even spare us a glance as Ah flop oantae ma stomach oan the bed, airms folded n cheek resting against the scabbing bite oan ma bicep.

....

Like everything in life, it's just a phase.

Ah wake up, Si still asleep in bed, Ah shower, eat toast, go tae work—get fired (Begbie's squatting hus been discovered by the boss n Ah wis the last yin wi the keys tae Telegraph Rd.), do shots at a pub oan the way home tae commiserate the loss ay ma income, pick up takeaway because fuck if Ah'm cooking tonight, n go home wi a hope that Si will fuck us.

Thair will be nae fucking. Begbie is in company whin Ah get back, n no in a very barry mood (no that he ever really is), figured that it wis because the flat thing but it's worse than that—Tommy died.

"Whit?" Ah grip the edge ay the table tae counter ma sudden weak knees.

"Ye fucking deaf?" Begbie is crass.

"Fuck oaf, Franco!" Ah bite back withoot thought, trying tae wrap ma heid aroond it still. Tommy—deid. Thankfully, Begbie doesnae take it tae heart n beat us, probably feeling a bit soft at the death ay a mate.

Ah picture Tommy, oan the floor littered wi used gear, sick nearby, mellow sky-blue eyes open n dim, the light gone, just a grey thing like wee Dawn. Ah fight tae sick up right thair, it churns in ma stomach but Ah keep it doon. Ah squeeze ma eyes closed briefly, shove it all doon before Ah breathe n straighten.

Ah hand oot the takeaway n fresh beer, n join the two Aphas oan the bed. Thair will be nae fucking tonight, thair will be nae Heat tae lose the battle ay, thair will be nae more nest wi Simon. Oor 'honeymoon' is over n it's back tae reality, we leave fir Leith tomorrow.

\- **T1** -

"Jesus!" Franco shoves us oantae the mattress oan the floor withoot warning. It's all been a bit ay a blur, coming back, going straight tae Tommy's funeral, reluctantly going back tae Swanney's (even though it's been entirely cleaned oot. Dinnae ken how Simon could ever go back thair), n being forced intae this shady skag deal wi Mikey Forrester. Ah really dinnae need this shite right now.

Ah start tae get up, but Franco puts us back doon again with his foot. "Whit the fuck?" Ah demand, glaring up at the four ay them, standing in front ay us, clearly in oan something that Ah'm no aware ay. This cannae be good.

Spud silently hands us a bag contritely after a glance fae Begbie n Ah take it reluctantly, warily looking intae it. It is filled wi gear. Sweat instantly slicks doon ma back, a cauld yin. Ah kent the oanly thing this could mean n it fills us wi a sick dread.

"Whit are ye waiting fir?" Begbie growls as Ah just sit thair like a biscuit-ersed bam. "Cook up a shot. We’re no buying this shite until Ah ken it's real."

"Ah'm clean, Frank." Ah say. "Ah dinnae do this shite anymore." N Ah drop the bag tae make a point. Ah scared shiteless right now as Ah stare up intae his black, pitiless eyes, standing ma ground.

He backhands us n Ah yelp, hand going tae ma cheek whir his ring's cut it. "Yil dae as Ah fucking tell ye, Rent Boy." He sneers. "Yir aboot tae go intae yir bitch-Heat, yil fucking well take it."

He doesnae trust Spud, wi good reason; Spud takes everything. Ah dinnae mind a time that Murphy wisnae oan something. He just packs high ontop ay high—everything is good tae him. N Simon is careful these days, after whit happened tae wee Dawn. Now wi Tommy. He doesnae do intravenous anymore. The oanly thing he wis never careful wis me.

Ah look over at Simon, a last plea fir help, n though he's tense, thair's an aloof mask oan his coupon. N Ah realize that it's no Simon Ah'm looking at, it's Sick Boy. Ah'll get nae help fae him. Thair's a blooming ache in ma chest that Ah swallow back doon. _This_ is the deal ay his life, no me. It never wis. Ah wis just lying tae maself, daft cunt that Ah am.

Ma gaze hits the floor so he wouldnae so it, so none ay them would see. Ma decision made, Ah empty the bag in front ay us oan the floor, line up the gear in front ay us like auld times wi a wee tremor in ma hands, but as Ah cook the shot n fill the needle, they’re steady.

The back ay ma mind is shrieking: _nae! nae! nae! NAE!,_ but Ah ignore the premonition that if Ah take this shot, then something very important is guan tae be lost tae us forever, something Ah'd never get tae take back. Ah roll up ma sleeve, tighten the belt aroond the bite at ma bicep, spike ma vien, n did whit Ah hud tae do.

Over the years, Ah'd learned a good shot fae a bad yin, even if it didnae gie me the high like it did the others, it's no really something ye kin forget, either. "It's good." Ah croak. Ah pull the needle, rip the belt oaf ma airm n yank ma sleeve doon, bending ma airm at ma chest. "Let's fucking do this awready." Ah climb tae ma feet, push passed Sick Boy, n wait outside the apartment.

Heart hammering in ma fucking chest like a freight train, breaths in panicked huffs, Ah fucking curl in oan maself like a basket case. Why? Ah went along wi everything else; ma life in London, ma savings, all in this fucking scheme that wis probably guanny land us all is prison. N yet, they demand more. Couldnae Sick Boy sense the dread or did he really just no gie a shite?

Whin the others finally make the deal wi ma life savings n come oot, Ah'm put thegither n indifferent as the rest ay these cunts, if a wee sweaty.

...

Ah'm sick in the bog at the back ay the bus tae London whir Simon's connection is. Ah splash cauld water ontae ma sweaty coupon n stare at ma pallid reflection, gripping the edge ay the steel sink. _Keep it tae-fucking-gether, Renton!_ Ah shout internally at maself, jaw grinding. _Just hang oan a wee longer n the chance will come. Dinnae be a doss cunt!_ Ah straighten n gie maself a slap, putting some colour back intae us before Ah leave the bog.

Ah kin feel Begbie dark stare as Ah walk doon the aisle, gripping the rests ay the empty seats tae keep us oan ma feet. Ah ignore the bastard that did this tae us. The hit ay skag wis a barry yin, but ma body's response tae it is no so barry. Ah need tae drown oot this fucking sickness n the oanly way ah kin think ay is Sick Boy.

Sick Boy is sitting in an aisle seat, his holdall taking up the window seat. The cunt doesnae even look up at us until Ah'm unceremoniously gieing him a lap dance tae get passed his legs in the tight space.

"Jesus, ye fat cunt." He curses. "Thair are a bunch ay open seats, find yin ay them. Whit the fuck are ye coming over here fir?

"Shut it, Sick Boy." Ah hiss wretchedly at him, oor faces close so Begbie cannae hear over the soft rumble ay the engine. "Ye fucking owe it tae us,"

His lip twitches n he cannae hold ma gaze fir long as Ah bear doon oan him, sweat beaded oan ma upper lip. Ah toss his holdall tae the empty seat behind us beside a kipping Spud, shove the airmrest between the two seats up oot ay the way n Ah climb intae the seat, fucking in his lap.

Sick Boy automatically curls himself tae conform tae ma position, gieing us both optimum comfort, even as his grumbles are swallowed by the bus ambience. Coupon crammed in his neck, whir his scent is the strongest withoot getting indecent, Ah inhale so deeply that Ah get light-heided wi the pure hit ay his pheromones.

N it helps, it coats the sickness, n dampens it fir now. Ah inhale again, calming this time, stifling the wee groan by biting lightly intae his clothed shoulder. His airm tightens aroond us, holding us closer, his cheek nuzzling the side ay ma heid. Ah bite a wee harder tae stop the sudden sob in ma chest. If he'd just shown us this at Mikey Forrester's flat, if he'd stood beside me against Bagbie, against that fix, then Ah would huv been able tae save the both ay us a lot ay pain. If he'd just sided wi us whin it hud fucking mattered!

Ah squeeze ma eyes closed, concentrating oan stuffing maself oan his pheromones, Ah huv a long journey ahead ay us n Ah ken Ah'm guanny need the reserves.

...

Ah feel a hateful kind ay smugness as Ah board the plane wi the other passengers, stow ma holdall overheid, n buckle in. Ah'd taken the money, all £16,000 ay it, n wisnae caught. If Ah could huv done a lot more than just take Begbie's money n huv gotten away wi it, Ah would huv. Ah hud really thought aboot finding a way tae leave Spud his £4,000 ay the take, but ultimately decided against it, the Beta would just end up blowing it all oan drugs.

Ah deposited £11,000 intae ma account n kept the other £5,000 oan us. Went straight tae the airport fae the bank n bought a yin-way ticket tae Amsterdam. It's during the wait that the protective coating ay Simon's pheromones start tae wear.

The cramps start during takeoaf. They slowly build, covering us in sweat, nails digging intae the airmrests. Ah bite ma lip tae stop fae groaning in pain. Ah'm gaining looks fae ma display, but Ah couldnae gie a shite. Ah might huv been worried that Ah wis going intae Heat, but instinctively, Ah ken that's no the case.

An hour intae the flight n Ah cannae fucking sit thair anymore. Ah fumble wi ma seatbelt n tear doon the aisle tae the bogs in the back, pushing passed another passenger in ma haste, garnering a insult against ma Dynamic that Ah utterly ignore. Ah slam the door n lock it, just in time tae double over wi a groan ay pain Ah cannae hold back, yin airm wrapped aroond ma abdomen, the other gripping the metal hand basin in the cramped space.

It wis like Ah hud a belly full ay snakes, writhing n thrashing aroond inside us, tearing me apart.

"Augh!" Ah shouted as ma insides contracted, once, harder twice. Ah felt a minimalistic flash ay relief as a hot wetness gushed fae ma arse. Ah hud enough time tae release the sink, breathing heavily n touch the seat ay ma jeans. They are soaked through wi dark blood. Ah wis consumed wi horror n fear as Ah wis struck again, dropping tae ma knees n gripping the bog.

Thair wis banging oan the door, concerned shouting asking if Ah wis awright—whit the fuck kind ay question wis that? Ma fucking world wis tearing at the seams, nowt would be the same again.

"Si-hi-men!" Ah greet, heaving wi the weight behind it, as ma insides continued tae contract, forcing precious things ootside n tae their death. Ma screams echo Alison's all those months ago as Ah wis literally torn asunder.

Some when it stopped being massive rends n turned tae minute squeezes, after effects. It wis then that Ah noticed the weight in ma keks, n Ah wis sick in the bog, choking oan tears, snot, bile, ma ain distressed pheromones that burned the back ay ma throat, n the thick scent ay iron.

Ma fait wis sealed.

Wee Dawn, whirever she wis now, now hud a younger sibling tae keep her company. N Ah wis alone again, but that wis okay because Ah kent how tae do 'alone,' it wis whir Ah always ended up. Broken n alone.

[tbc]

**- T R A I N S P O T T I N G -**

 

**Author's Note:**

> **_That first scene at the beginning with wee Dawn was motivated by the scene in Trainspotting when the guys all make the 'healthy, informed, Democratic decision to get back on heroin' n they're shooting up 12 hours later at Swanney's. Mark shoots up, falls back on the floor and there's wee Dawn—I always wanted it to go my way, and now I have.  
>  Chapter 2 will continue on in _ ** _ T2 Trainspotting **— now I just have to write the thing! I have no idea when it will be up. I'm going to be making it ten years later, as opposed to the actual 20, but the plotline that of T2. For whatever reason I find that I have trouble with in the T2 universe than Trainspotting.** _


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